Love is empty until you come
by Mr Palmer
Summary: He drains her when he's not here. She can't bear the thought of losing him. He is the life in her. She is empty without him. What if he doesn't come back? What if he does, and the answer he gives to all her questions are wrong? Post Bad- Rep.
1. Chapter 1

Post- Bad Reputation.

"Okay, Guys. Spring is here- and I have a new assignment for you all. I want you to come up with a song that completely exposes your true feelings at this very point. What I really want you to do- is type some words into this site," Mr Schuester picks up a white-board pen and writes on the board ".com" and find a song that relates to the search. I want it to be an original song, something new and different. Something that everyone can relate too. Make sure it suits your voice range too, of course. Now I am going to dedicate the rest of the glee rehearsal to letting you go think about what you want to sing about, and then I booked out a set of laptops in the Library for you to start researching when your ready. You can continue with the work at home as well if you don't have time at school, and practise. They have to be ready by Wednesday's practise. EVERYONE will be showing theirs then- no matter whether you have a cold, or baby hormones, or a rolled ankle from Cheerios. Now off you go! Enjoy!"

All the other kids groaned, and left the room- except for Rachel. She stood up slowly, and walked over to Mr Schue. "Mr Schue- what happens if Jesse hates me and never wants to see me again?"

_Sigh. _"Well Rachel, I am not really the person to ask about relationship problems- I left my wife because of secrets and lies, I then screwed up a new found love by having some sort of fling with two other women. But I think he would be stupid not to here you out- and I know he likes you Rachel, so don't give up yet." And he left, leaving Rachel as empty as she did before.

...

That evening...

Log in:

Username: Rachel*Berry*

Password: ***********

Log in

Rachel searched through her inbox, but found nothing from him. _Well, there could be many reasons why he hasn't replied to my 15 emails- he could be too busy, he could maybe have not found a computer. _

"Hmm- you keep telling yourself that Rachel. It's probably a load of shit anyway."

After posting 2 new MySpace Videos of herself, picking from her folder of songs that she "nails", as Jesse said last week, she chose "Careful" by Paramore and "According to you" by Orianthi. She chose these because the first is about being careful in the world that you thought you knew so well, and the second was about how Finn had dumped her because of her flaws, and Jesse loved her for everything she was- not just the good parts. She was hoping that if Jesse was looking at her page, he would see those and he would know she still cares.

After posting them, she remembered the Glee Assignment, and wrote both songs on a piece of paper and tossed them in a hat. She pulled out "According to you" by Orianthi. And smiled. Then frowned. Then chucked the piece of paper in the bin.

She knew she couldn't sing a song that was used by her before. She didn't even do the assignment- she took the easy way out. So she opened a new internet browser, and looked up the website. She then hummed and sighed, trying to think of where she was in her life right now. The exact words that described her feelings.

She typed in: Heart breaks, Injustice, depends on you, happy lies, believe.

found one song that matches your search:

Again by Flyleaf- for Soprano. Acoustic rock/pop.

She clicked the link to the lyrics:

"Wow- that's absolutely perfect!"

Print The Berry's Printer 1 copy, Black and White.

...

Practised for hours and hours.

Her father's were almost sick of the song- but were never happier to hear her sing it over and over.

The bell rang.

She shuffled the sheets in her hand.

She passed a note to Puck. He was confused, but nodded.

Mr Schuester asked if anyone wanted to go first.

Rachel put up her hand. Mr Schuester showed his hand to the centre of the room.

She put down her lyrics- nodded at Puck.

And introduced her song:

"As you all know well, Jesse is still a little, well for a lack of a better word, pissed at me for the Run Joey Run thing. And even though Puck and Finn aren't completely over it, as I can tell, they seem to understand a little better. I will never understand why Jesse cares so much- and I thank you for supporting me through this, all of you. I am going to stop talking now- and hopefully my emotion expressed through the song and lyrics will help you understand what I can't say in words.

Puck picked up his guitar- and played.

And she sang. Swaying along to the song.

I love the way that your heart breaks, with every injustice and deadly fate. Praying it all be new,  
and living like it all depends on you.  
Then she gets into full emotion mode. Hands in fists and pointing, she almost has a graceful fit- which looks amazing, but scares her friends because she seems so serious.

Here you are down on your knees again  
trying to find air to breathe again  
And only surrender will help you now  
I love you please see and believe again  
I love that you're never satisfied  
with face value wisdom and happy lies  
you take what they say and go back and cry  
you're so close to me that you nearly died

Here you are down on your knees again  
trying to find air to breathe again  
And only surrender will help you now  
I love you please see and believe again  
they don't have to understand you be strong  
wait and know I understand you  
be strong  
be strong  
Here you are down on your knees again  
trying to find air to breathe again  
Only surrender will help you now  
The floodgates are breaking  
they're pouring out

Her voice climaxes. She is ready to hit those notes. She takes a deep breath. 

Here you are down on your knees  
trying to find air to breathe  
right where I want you to be again  
i love you please see and believe again  
Here you are down on your knees again  
trying to find air to breathe again  
Right where I want you to be again  
See and believe!

She pauses. No-one smiles, as they normally would. She realises she has tears running down her face, down her neck. Her hair is all over her face. One side of her shirt has rolled up from her constant arm flinging. She almost collapsed in tears, but she stood tall. She heard footsteps behind her.

_Jesse St. James. _

She wiped her face, even though it was pointless because she knew the tears weren't going to stop. And she turned around, to find something unexpected.

Jesse was crying.

And not just a single tear, his face was red and crumpled.

She almost ran up and hugged him, told him it was okay. But no.

She ran out of the other door, and left her emotions in that auditorium.

And over the sound of her crying, she can hear the pitter-patter of feet behind her in the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

She turned around, knowing what to expect.

Except she didn't see what she was going to expect.

Kurt.

And Quinn, together.

"Rachel, we both know how destroyed you must be. Trust me- I know distraught. I experienced a little bit of it myself." Quinn rubbed her pregnant belly, but with pride.

"And being gay, it sort of limits your choices in relationships. So I know what it's like to feel love has abandoned you."

Rachel nodded away her tears.

"But Rachel, you haven't even given him a chance to explain. He is literally dying on the inside in their- he doesn't understand why you won't stay and why you just left. Did you not see how much he was crying?"

"I did, Quinn. But everytime I see his face I see my nightmares- of him telling me it's over, that I am not good enough for him, that he never really loved me. "

"What?"

And then, Jesse decided to intervene himself.

Looking as gorgeous as ever.

His hair messed up, probably through running his hands through his hair over and over .

His face and eyes still red- with a sniffily nose.

"Are you serious Rachel? You still don't trust me with your heart? I gave you all of my heart and soul, Rachel. I gave you everything of me. EVERYTHING OF ME. And you still don't see how much I love you. Look, I lost my virginity to you. THERE! I SAID IT! I am saying it out loud now. I never had sex with anyone else, because I got burned so badly. And no, I don't want to talk about it. But what I do want, is for you to look me in the eye, and tell me that you know I love you, because I do! Everyone in the whole damn Lima district knows I do. Except for you, apparently. And if you can't tell me that, then I don't know what to do about it."

He walked away, rubbing his eyes. And Rachel ran.

She ran and ran.

Towards him. She leapt onto him, and she gripped her arms around his neck.

"I love you. I love you. I know you love me now. I was just hurt because you didn't seem to want to talk to me. After the thing. You know- I can't even say it anymore. Please...just listen ah-"

She broke down. She crumpled up in the middle of the hallway. And cried her soul out.

She felt herself being lifted.

Cradled to a chest, so warm and tender.

To hear his heart beating again, was all she need to smile. Smile and cry.

She ruined his shirt, of course. But he continued to tell her all the things he wrote down to say to her while his internet wasn't working.

He was going to write a massive email when he got home again, but he decided to say it in person instead.

He also told her, on the way to the car, that he loved her cover of Again. He said he liked it acoustic better.

Then, he sat down in the car, and placed her head on his lap. He turned the key, and drove out of there.

"Jesse- where are we going?"

"We, Rachel- are going to New York. "

...

OH NEW YORK!

So...you likeeeee?

I likeeeeee.

Anyway, if you type a few words (positive, hopefully) about this stuff, I will write maybe thousands of more words? Yes? No?

TYPE AWAY AND YOU SHALL FIND OUT!

XOXO Mr Palmer.


End file.
